I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
