I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sarcasm needs its own font
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
