are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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