nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
