am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
