The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
