I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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