Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
