She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
