What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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