Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
