I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
