I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
as a side note pls kill me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
