just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
