Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
