so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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