I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
