no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
