i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
