I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.