That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.