I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again