i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick