I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
