You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize