I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
