I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
