Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize