Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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