I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we made out on top of his cat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
