Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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