His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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