She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
