I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
