I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
