You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
