my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
