i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
