Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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