If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
