I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
40s are totally the cure
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
