"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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