I need help removing her.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo