Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.