Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I didn't notice because vodka
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?