does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize