I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
