How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
