Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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