I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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