On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want nice things and good sex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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