Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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it's like iHOP with fire
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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