I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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