I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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