O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
