i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
