see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
