After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
