shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize