yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
