I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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