dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
