All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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