I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
