Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
