you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
