She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
