i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
