So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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